you're welcome.

greys

oh, my unquenchable addiction. it is insatiable. Grey's Freekin Anatomy.  I can't quit you, greys.
people who watch every episode of any show are weird, obsessive, lacking in social skills, maybe even owners of cats.  But one summer i watched 3 full seasons (heyyyyy girl hey to Ellen) and I was hooked like a large mouth bass. I try to force myself to stop watching, but then I just get two seasons behind and end up watching it again, lose/lose for everyone. today I was grabbing some lunch and a re-run just so happened to be on. OOPS. there went my lunch break. couldn't even tell you what I ate, I was engrossed. i know, I'm a sick individual.

In this one Derek and Meredith were together, so that eliminates 50%. And who cares about the surgery stuff, although it was cool and I am quite sure, completely so far from reality.  YA'LL. Derek LOVES* Meredith. Like he L-O-V-E-S* her. I am sure we can all relate to Meredith. I mean, she's dark and twisty and indecisive and unable to have normal relationships. Oh, only me? Well, Derek loves* her. But not really unconditionally, because he wants alot from her. that's the kicker. He wants all of her. And in the moments (episodes) when she can't give that, he walks away. oh, does he walk away. that's what he does best. Forget being McDreamy and best surgeon besides Burke (miss him), what he excels at is turning his back and walking away from Meredith.

Remember when he hit her ring over a cliff? Or when he left her in a hospital room when he found out "she didn't want to swim"....like. c'mon Derek. She's dark and twisty, of course she didn't want to swim to safety. He loves* her so much, he walks away. He's wrong. But he just loves* her. And he loves* her so fully and so obsessively that if she won't match that, he literally cannot tolerate it.
here's way past the episode i saw today, the PROPOSAL.

And that's why I am hooked. I'll sit through an hour every episode, even re-runs, wondering if she'll be able to love* him back this time or if she's just too broken, too twisty, too distant, too non-committal, too Meredith.  I'll watch through the commercial breaks, I won't even re-fill my Dr. Pepper cup, just anxiously wondering if Derek will stay (he won't) or if he'll walk away and say some really hurtful things to Meredith that he really never regrets because they are true. they love* each other, they always have loved* each other deeply. they're just damaged people loving each other and hurting each other beyond belief.

*by love I do not mean he loves her selflessly. I don't mean he'd die for her. really, I don't mean love at all. he just wants her. he wants her because she satisfies something in him. it's a selfish "love." really....it's just sick motivation. sick motivation that keeps me watching hours of this crap.

hurts ya'll

"What makes the broken whole?  How does deep-down pain, interwoven like sinew, come untangled?" - Charles Martin, Maggie

sometimes, susan

sometimes things are just really awful timing. Just truly wretched. But sometimes, those things are the best things. Like having friends come in town while you have to work. Or like reuniting with someone at the end of a summer. Or having a really fun night the night before someone leaves. It's the bittersweet antithesis of precious moments in light of impending goodbyes. The original "KK" who mentored me in high school loved to say to me, "God is NEVER late. He may come in at 11:59 when the deadline's twelve, but he's never late. His timing is perfect." I have lived in questioning anguish over timing. I've walked that road well, I've worn it down to the point where its just dirt. Why now? Why couldn't it wait? Why isn't the rescue here, now. Sometimes these things aren't the best things. Those things that come out of nowhere, at awful times, and are themselves horrifically awful things. I've encountered a lot of those. But this summer? lots of horrible timing, with wonderful, wonderful things. blessings, I would even say. And it's the precarious balance of those things, these unforeseen, unwarranted blessings. They have me catching my breath, holding back sobs, smiling with JOY. God loves to show us grace in the practical things sometimes. In the day-to-day, mundane, sometimes He likes to surprise us.  So it's in these moments when I thought timing was awful, because it didn't fit my self-centered, ordinary, human schedule...God gave me some pretty cool gifts. Gifts of time with sweet people. gifts of having relationships healed. gifts of small steps of things I have wanted and prayed for. It's like when you go camping (c'mon ya'll...keep up) and it storms all night and you don't sleep alot and you wonder why you even went camping or expected it to be better...and you walk outside in the morning, and it's quiet. The weather is perfect. Nothing is moving. It's that feeling. The intensity of the storm followed by the quiet of the morning after. It's that release. That relief. Hallelujah, ya'll.

Matt Chandler said this on Sunday "How is God sovereign over suffering? By being enough on those dark days." And it seems also by how He surprises us in the midst of those dark days. How faithful. How much grace.

go forth and live, ya'll!
xoxo Lyd

the good ol days

Throw back ya'll.
I've been inspired to have a confessional to you, my readers.

1. I am kind of a snob when it comes to country music. I know what's good and what's polished and I think people who like Taylor Swift might be pathetic. On the other hand, if you know who Brantley Gilbert, Colt Ford, or even Josh Abbott Band is, I would trust you with a baby.
2. Beyond that, my music taste is mediocre at best. I like Bon Iver and I am discovering Band of Horses, and Eminem has a soft spot in my heart, and I love me some Dallas rap.
3. I am really bad about drinking water. I like it, it's fine, we need it, but I like Dr. Pepper better.
4. I think there is never a bad time for a trip.
5. I do trashy Texas well. I really actually love Galveston. yea, i know it's gross, I know it's not a real beach. (well, it is a real beach, technically but for the sake of the argument) I have been to Florida beaches and New England Beaches and Canada beaches and Mexico beaches and Oregon beaches and I love them too. But there is something about the good ol trashy natives of Texas catchin some sun together.

6. I tend to lead when dancing, particularly Texas two-steppin. I am sure there is some deep psychological character analysis for what this means about my personality, but I think it's just because I am a better dancer, sue me.
7. I really like old friends. I love catching up with people, and I have always been weirdly good at keeping in touch with friends.
8. I have had the same best friend my whole life. I came home from Lake Highlands mother's-day-out when I was four and told my mom I hated her and that she looked like a boy and that her siblings were weird.
9. It is my goal to meet Willie Nelson.
10. If I have the choice, I will always wear a t-shirt over anything else.
11. The lake is literally my favorite place in the whole world. skiing, wakeboarding, kneeboarding, intertubing, boating, just being there- my favorite. I like it better then the beach, I'd say. Even more then "real" beaches like Florida.
12. I have had Labrador retrievers my whole life, and am slightly creeped out by small dogs.
13. My dad wouldn't let me watch bambi when I was little, because he said it portrayed hunters in "a bad light."
14. My dad bought me a shotgun when I was 13.
15. I eat fried crawfish every sunday.
16. Some of my favorite people are my neighbors in my apartment building.

17. I absolutely refuse to listen to reggae....excuse me, what is this? my roommate loves it. LOVES.it.
18. This summer has been insanely cool. I would almost say it could compete with the summer after my sophomore year in highschool. Can I get an "amen," Carley, Ben, and SK? those were good days.
19. I LOVE the Oklahoma Sooners. Yes, I go to a private University not even in the same state, but my dad went there and I was raised to hate the horns and die for the sooners. 

some t-shirt modeling i did for OU at Kanakuk. pure class.

 20. I love red meat. Like love isn't a strong enough word. I'll eat chicken, if it's fried, or covered in ranch dressing- or even better, both. But given the choice? red, all the way. Steak, burgers, cheeseburgers, bacon cheesburgers, bbq, brisket.
 21. During college football season, my Saturdays are no longer free.

22. I played golf in highschool.
23. My parents were camp directors when I was growing up. Because of this, they loved to send us to multiple camps a summer.
24. The two I went to reguarly were Camp Buckner (can I get an ooooweeeeee) and Kanakuk. I also worked at Kanakuk as a (K)ounselor and an office girl. Love me some Wiebe's!
well, i feel better already!
go forth and LIVE ya'll!
xoxo Lyd