greys

oh, my unquenchable addiction. it is insatiable. Grey's Freekin Anatomy.  I can't quit you, greys.
people who watch every episode of any show are weird, obsessive, lacking in social skills, maybe even owners of cats.  But one summer i watched 3 full seasons (heyyyyy girl hey to Ellen) and I was hooked like a large mouth bass. I try to force myself to stop watching, but then I just get two seasons behind and end up watching it again, lose/lose for everyone. today I was grabbing some lunch and a re-run just so happened to be on. OOPS. there went my lunch break. couldn't even tell you what I ate, I was engrossed. i know, I'm a sick individual.

In this one Derek and Meredith were together, so that eliminates 50%. And who cares about the surgery stuff, although it was cool and I am quite sure, completely so far from reality.  YA'LL. Derek LOVES* Meredith. Like he L-O-V-E-S* her. I am sure we can all relate to Meredith. I mean, she's dark and twisty and indecisive and unable to have normal relationships. Oh, only me? Well, Derek loves* her. But not really unconditionally, because he wants alot from her. that's the kicker. He wants all of her. And in the moments (episodes) when she can't give that, he walks away. oh, does he walk away. that's what he does best. Forget being McDreamy and best surgeon besides Burke (miss him), what he excels at is turning his back and walking away from Meredith.

Remember when he hit her ring over a cliff? Or when he left her in a hospital room when he found out "she didn't want to swim"....like. c'mon Derek. She's dark and twisty, of course she didn't want to swim to safety. He loves* her so much, he walks away. He's wrong. But he just loves* her. And he loves* her so fully and so obsessively that if she won't match that, he literally cannot tolerate it.
here's way past the episode i saw today, the PROPOSAL.

And that's why I am hooked. I'll sit through an hour every episode, even re-runs, wondering if she'll be able to love* him back this time or if she's just too broken, too twisty, too distant, too non-committal, too Meredith.  I'll watch through the commercial breaks, I won't even re-fill my Dr. Pepper cup, just anxiously wondering if Derek will stay (he won't) or if he'll walk away and say some really hurtful things to Meredith that he really never regrets because they are true. they love* each other, they always have loved* each other deeply. they're just damaged people loving each other and hurting each other beyond belief.

*by love I do not mean he loves her selflessly. I don't mean he'd die for her. really, I don't mean love at all. he just wants her. he wants her because she satisfies something in him. it's a selfish "love." really....it's just sick motivation. sick motivation that keeps me watching hours of this crap.