2012

I dont have the words for this post.
I dont have the words to explain the loss, the hope, the love, the abandonment, and the joy that this year has contained.
There are scars, there are sweet, sweet memories with wonderful people.
I have no words to convey this year.
Not yet, anyway.
But there is the hope, promise of redemption, the thought that You make beautiful stories out of wretched and dark situations.
There is today. There is the hope of tomorrow. And there is the hope and impending almost-promise of 2012.
A year to make a change? A year for New Year's Resolutions? A year for healing?
No, a year for You. Your year, whatever You have in store.
Blessed be Your name.
When you gave, when you took away, when it was dark and scary outside and inside. When I thought I had experienced the best moment of my life and that my life could never contain any more happiness then what I had experienced.
You are good even then.
You are gracious and You are faithful. And I will walk in that today, and tomorrow, and 2012 if you choose to give us those days.
Go forth and Live, ya'll. There is no time like today.
xoxo Lyd

im in love

go forth and LIVE.
Lyd

marsha marsha marsha

word up, readaaaas.
Merry Christmas!!
I have long struggled with what forgiveness really is, what is looks like, and what it is not. (In addition to my struggle with fine, lifeless hair and chia-pet eyebrows) 

I am not a die-hard Mark Driscoll fanatic, although I am sure he is great, but I found this and it is one of the best explanations of forgiveness I have heard. 

With Christmas here among us, it's insane to think Jesus came to save us, to reconcile us to God, to FORGIVE US.

Unbelievable.  And I sit here and think I can pick and choose who I forgive and don't. Unbelievably arrogant.

go forth and live.
xoxo Lyd

so close

I have half of a final left and these are the things I wish I was doing, in no particular order

1. hitting the surf laying on the nasty sand of Galveston.
2. watching shark week
3. going on vacation with my crew.
4. talking for a long time with some old friends
5. or new friends, i'm not overly particular
6. time traveling. to relish a few magical moments.
7. curling up with my two sweet Labrador puppies dogs roughly the size of bears
8. walking around silver dollar city with my family...i am shamelessly wishing I was in Branson.

hope your focus is better then mine.
go forth and live! Lyd

blessedness

"I do know this: that there is a blessedness from waiting with the Lord. There is an intimacy...that comes from walking through that valley."

Go forth and live!
xoxo Lyd

May our jaded hearts be healed

As life beats on, we let parts of our souls die. Part of the make up of who we are as beings ceases. We sell ourselves short because, if we don't, we won't be able to live. As people walk in, walk out, break our hearts, and leave our lives we gather the pieces, we gather what's left and there are parts that are never recovered. And we learn to love the new us. We learn, or we become miserable when we can't find what was once there. There are pieces that just don't exist anymore. Parts of our lives that are simply unrecoverable.
In part, a great deal of this could be selfishness on our behalf.
It could also be the graciousness of a Savior.
It could be Christ letting us walk through the dry paths, the broken hearts, the wars in our souls because we are too selfish and reckless to choose healing on our own. To chose the chiseling of our own souls. So He perhaps graciously allows these things. These horrible and dark places, He may allow. Because parts of our souls do need to die. In the words of a wise, dear friend, life is our sanctification process. And we are called to be holy. We are called to holiness.
I need parts of me to be chiseled away. I need to walk through these crazy times, the broken hearts, the loss and death of dreams and precious beings. To learn to not hold these things so tightly. To cling to a God that loves me. To not fill the void with all life this side of eternity has to offer. Because this side is nothing compared to what awaits us.

If anything can capture where my heart has been, where it lies now, it is this video. WATCH. http://vimeo.com/10868953

listen.

dare we let ourselves be jaded forever. Here's to reckless healing for our endless wounds.
go forth and LIVE.

Lydia

T4L

Well hi there lovies.
How's your world? What's new for you? What's good, yo?

I wouldn't even know where to begin to update you, and I know you are all waiting in eager anticipation to know what is going on in this 20-somethin Dallas girl's life. Don't lie and tell me you're not.

This weekend was oh-so-good. Like real good. Nothing I planned out happened. By nothing, I mean very little. Ranger's party turned tragedy, vball support, dinners out, dinners in, two batches of cookies, a homemade pie, a tattoo trip, Church morning, Hannahgirl brunch, conversations with old and dear friends, Accounting hw (whaaaaaaat), and King's Speech and late nights with my main peeps. I planned on alone time, re-coop, shopping, maybe even a pedicure...but this was so much better. a million bajillion times better. I like to do this thing where I convince myself I'm an introvert like all my besties and need alone time to re-gain energy. This is total bull-crap..and truly laughable that I convince myself I have an introverted alter-ego.  I am going to write a book about personality types and about introverts and extroverts and their step-sister hybrid. Do not steal my idea, I will hunt you down, tie you up, and make you watch hours and hours of real housewives of the universe or Miss U.S.A. pageants. awful.

So good times were had by all. And two of my pals are now tatted up, with Claire, myself, and Evann as the ever-faithful support system. tatz 4 lyfe.

Go forth and get tatted.
Just kidding.
xoxo Lydia

from this valley

go pause the music on the side of the page and listen to this now. do it, don't be laaaaaame.

go forth and live, ya'll!
Lyd

oh, the grace

well well well. hello there bloggies. salutations, how goes it?
Sometimes I like to get stuck in these ruts where I am faced with a decision and think about it so much, from every angle, for so long that I literally just freeze up and lay down and defeat and paralysis. It's really cool. So cool that it kinda stops my whole life and I usually have a minor (major) freak-out moment where I cry or break something or buy a nine thousand dollar dress. One out of those three options might be true, the other two are probably lies. but who wants to admit they cry, riiiight??? amiright amiright? Last night whatever you want to call it hit the fan, I FREAKED over a decision that's not really even a decision but maybe really is and broke down and called my political and foreign affairs advisor. really i called my best friend, but I like to refer to her with titles, duh. ooooooo man. first of all, she is the wisest person I know. Maybe even wiser then all the adults I know. Is that too bold to say? well, it's true, so I have no apologies for you. On top of that though, her wisdom is presented with such grace and from such a humble and surrendered heart that I actually listen to her. I don't listen to many people. I mean, yea, their problems, but give advice on my problems? yea...probably not going to listen to you. But I listen to her. And my family. And that's about it. ya'll, what. grace. seriously. the grace that I got to experience through her words was so real and if I can let it sink through my tough shell, I am quite sure, will be very freeing. She graciously listened to me talk like I belonged in a psych ward and kindly said she was in no place to give me advice (really, she is, remember? wisest person I know...keep up ya'll) but gave me so much more then she could imagine. In all of it, what stuck with me most was that she reminded me, whatever decision I make, God's grace is bigger then that. So I really put forth my best effort and out of my truest intentions make the wrong decision? How unbelievably arrogant of me to think God's grace is not bigger then that. She encouraged me to make a decision and walk in it for awhile. And if the people in my life are disappointed or don't agree or are hurt, that is their expectations and stipulations, not my failure. the tears even pour now at this present moment just thinking of the grace offered to me in that very truth. Whatever decision I make, if it doesn't work, I have not failed. I am not a failure. I have sought the Lord and will walk in what I think is the path, but if it doesn't work, that is okay. how freeing.
How cool that we get to walk in this. Grab hold of it ya'll. Grab life by the horns, and make a freekin decision. And then walk in the results of the decision in freedom and in grace.
Don't you wish you had a political and foreign affairs advisor as wise as mine? I know, right?
go forth and live, ya'll.
xoxo Lyd

 photo cred: thebedlamofbeefy.blogspot.com

via pinterest

 photo cred: thesimplyluxuriouslife.com 

via pinterest

wednesday ya'll

happy wednesday ya'll.
hows school? the real world? living in dream land?
wherever this finds you, it finds me in school, in work, in social life, in weddings, in birthdays, and in everything I don't say no to. And I am so thankful, so blessed to be so busy. to be able to love.
here's some lists for ya'll

things that keep me humble:
1 my best friend doesn't, and never has, followed me on twitter.
2 In high school everyone called me Lisa Simpson because apparently I was yellow....I like to say olive complected. like a really cool, hot Italian girl? no?
3 For the better part of my childhood years, I had a mouth full of orthodontia, or a chili-bowl hair cut, or a uni-brow. and at very tragic times, all of the above.
4 some of the things I long for most in life I don't know that I will ever have or accomplish. it's anyone's game.

things that I don't know how to handle
1 accounting
2 PDA
3 overcommitment

things I love alot
1 the smell of campfire
2 Galveston
3 Texas Country (reckless Kelly, Josh Abbott, Eli Young, Jason Boland, Cross Canadian Ragweed)
4 Clinique
5 Two-Steppin
6 Traveling
7 Driving
8 Writing Letters
9 My Lab. She is getting old.
10 Kamp people. childhood people (i like to call them hood people). old people. new people. good people.
11 Reality Television. I eat that mess up.

Go forth and live, ya'll!
xoxo Lyd

you're welcome.

greys

oh, my unquenchable addiction. it is insatiable. Grey's Freekin Anatomy.  I can't quit you, greys.
people who watch every episode of any show are weird, obsessive, lacking in social skills, maybe even owners of cats.  But one summer i watched 3 full seasons (heyyyyy girl hey to Ellen) and I was hooked like a large mouth bass. I try to force myself to stop watching, but then I just get two seasons behind and end up watching it again, lose/lose for everyone. today I was grabbing some lunch and a re-run just so happened to be on. OOPS. there went my lunch break. couldn't even tell you what I ate, I was engrossed. i know, I'm a sick individual.

In this one Derek and Meredith were together, so that eliminates 50%. And who cares about the surgery stuff, although it was cool and I am quite sure, completely so far from reality.  YA'LL. Derek LOVES* Meredith. Like he L-O-V-E-S* her. I am sure we can all relate to Meredith. I mean, she's dark and twisty and indecisive and unable to have normal relationships. Oh, only me? Well, Derek loves* her. But not really unconditionally, because he wants alot from her. that's the kicker. He wants all of her. And in the moments (episodes) when she can't give that, he walks away. oh, does he walk away. that's what he does best. Forget being McDreamy and best surgeon besides Burke (miss him), what he excels at is turning his back and walking away from Meredith.

Remember when he hit her ring over a cliff? Or when he left her in a hospital room when he found out "she didn't want to swim"....like. c'mon Derek. She's dark and twisty, of course she didn't want to swim to safety. He loves* her so much, he walks away. He's wrong. But he just loves* her. And he loves* her so fully and so obsessively that if she won't match that, he literally cannot tolerate it.
here's way past the episode i saw today, the PROPOSAL.

And that's why I am hooked. I'll sit through an hour every episode, even re-runs, wondering if she'll be able to love* him back this time or if she's just too broken, too twisty, too distant, too non-committal, too Meredith.  I'll watch through the commercial breaks, I won't even re-fill my Dr. Pepper cup, just anxiously wondering if Derek will stay (he won't) or if he'll walk away and say some really hurtful things to Meredith that he really never regrets because they are true. they love* each other, they always have loved* each other deeply. they're just damaged people loving each other and hurting each other beyond belief.

*by love I do not mean he loves her selflessly. I don't mean he'd die for her. really, I don't mean love at all. he just wants her. he wants her because she satisfies something in him. it's a selfish "love." really....it's just sick motivation. sick motivation that keeps me watching hours of this crap.

hurts ya'll

"What makes the broken whole?  How does deep-down pain, interwoven like sinew, come untangled?" - Charles Martin, Maggie

sometimes, susan

sometimes things are just really awful timing. Just truly wretched. But sometimes, those things are the best things. Like having friends come in town while you have to work. Or like reuniting with someone at the end of a summer. Or having a really fun night the night before someone leaves. It's the bittersweet antithesis of precious moments in light of impending goodbyes. The original "KK" who mentored me in high school loved to say to me, "God is NEVER late. He may come in at 11:59 when the deadline's twelve, but he's never late. His timing is perfect." I have lived in questioning anguish over timing. I've walked that road well, I've worn it down to the point where its just dirt. Why now? Why couldn't it wait? Why isn't the rescue here, now. Sometimes these things aren't the best things. Those things that come out of nowhere, at awful times, and are themselves horrifically awful things. I've encountered a lot of those. But this summer? lots of horrible timing, with wonderful, wonderful things. blessings, I would even say. And it's the precarious balance of those things, these unforeseen, unwarranted blessings. They have me catching my breath, holding back sobs, smiling with JOY. God loves to show us grace in the practical things sometimes. In the day-to-day, mundane, sometimes He likes to surprise us.  So it's in these moments when I thought timing was awful, because it didn't fit my self-centered, ordinary, human schedule...God gave me some pretty cool gifts. Gifts of time with sweet people. gifts of having relationships healed. gifts of small steps of things I have wanted and prayed for. It's like when you go camping (c'mon ya'll...keep up) and it storms all night and you don't sleep alot and you wonder why you even went camping or expected it to be better...and you walk outside in the morning, and it's quiet. The weather is perfect. Nothing is moving. It's that feeling. The intensity of the storm followed by the quiet of the morning after. It's that release. That relief. Hallelujah, ya'll.

Matt Chandler said this on Sunday "How is God sovereign over suffering? By being enough on those dark days." And it seems also by how He surprises us in the midst of those dark days. How faithful. How much grace.

go forth and live, ya'll!
xoxo Lyd

the good ol days

Throw back ya'll.
I've been inspired to have a confessional to you, my readers.

1. I am kind of a snob when it comes to country music. I know what's good and what's polished and I think people who like Taylor Swift might be pathetic. On the other hand, if you know who Brantley Gilbert, Colt Ford, or even Josh Abbott Band is, I would trust you with a baby.
2. Beyond that, my music taste is mediocre at best. I like Bon Iver and I am discovering Band of Horses, and Eminem has a soft spot in my heart, and I love me some Dallas rap.
3. I am really bad about drinking water. I like it, it's fine, we need it, but I like Dr. Pepper better.
4. I think there is never a bad time for a trip.
5. I do trashy Texas well. I really actually love Galveston. yea, i know it's gross, I know it's not a real beach. (well, it is a real beach, technically but for the sake of the argument) I have been to Florida beaches and New England Beaches and Canada beaches and Mexico beaches and Oregon beaches and I love them too. But there is something about the good ol trashy natives of Texas catchin some sun together.

6. I tend to lead when dancing, particularly Texas two-steppin. I am sure there is some deep psychological character analysis for what this means about my personality, but I think it's just because I am a better dancer, sue me.
7. I really like old friends. I love catching up with people, and I have always been weirdly good at keeping in touch with friends.
8. I have had the same best friend my whole life. I came home from Lake Highlands mother's-day-out when I was four and told my mom I hated her and that she looked like a boy and that her siblings were weird.
9. It is my goal to meet Willie Nelson.
10. If I have the choice, I will always wear a t-shirt over anything else.
11. The lake is literally my favorite place in the whole world. skiing, wakeboarding, kneeboarding, intertubing, boating, just being there- my favorite. I like it better then the beach, I'd say. Even more then "real" beaches like Florida.
12. I have had Labrador retrievers my whole life, and am slightly creeped out by small dogs.
13. My dad wouldn't let me watch bambi when I was little, because he said it portrayed hunters in "a bad light."
14. My dad bought me a shotgun when I was 13.
15. I eat fried crawfish every sunday.
16. Some of my favorite people are my neighbors in my apartment building.

17. I absolutely refuse to listen to reggae....excuse me, what is this? my roommate loves it. LOVES.it.
18. This summer has been insanely cool. I would almost say it could compete with the summer after my sophomore year in highschool. Can I get an "amen," Carley, Ben, and SK? those were good days.
19. I LOVE the Oklahoma Sooners. Yes, I go to a private University not even in the same state, but my dad went there and I was raised to hate the horns and die for the sooners. 

some t-shirt modeling i did for OU at Kanakuk. pure class.

 20. I love red meat. Like love isn't a strong enough word. I'll eat chicken, if it's fried, or covered in ranch dressing- or even better, both. But given the choice? red, all the way. Steak, burgers, cheeseburgers, bacon cheesburgers, bbq, brisket.
 21. During college football season, my Saturdays are no longer free.

22. I played golf in highschool.
23. My parents were camp directors when I was growing up. Because of this, they loved to send us to multiple camps a summer.
24. The two I went to reguarly were Camp Buckner (can I get an ooooweeeeee) and Kanakuk. I also worked at Kanakuk as a (K)ounselor and an office girl. Love me some Wiebe's!
well, i feel better already!
go forth and LIVE ya'll!
xoxo Lyd

Gut-wrenchingly honest

Last night, I had a dear, dear friend call me with some really strange news. It doesn't matter and it shouldn't hurt me but it did. I was stunned and shocked and every one of my other friends were too. The comments I heard regarding this news break were HILARIOUS and good-intentioned and out of love for me from so many people who have walked through this year and my life with me.  And somehow in the midst of it, I begin agreeing with them, yea I deserve this and that and the other because of this. And this morning I was on my computer at work and I saw this....

 BAM. sucker punch to the gut. "that we may find mercy and grace in time of need." I don't deserve this or that, I don't need to turn to this or that because I am hurting, because I am angry, because I am BROKEN.  I have been "in time of need" this year. I have been so broken and so hurting and have turned to beautiful people I get the privilege of calling my friends. Sometimes I was so broken and so hurting that I didn't know how to go the the throne room of grace anymore.  I tried, but sometimes it was so much easier to turn to people, to cling to them. I am unbelievably blessed with many strong ladies and men in my life that were faithful friends and held me through all of this.  But Jesus wanted to hold me. I just didn't understand how to be held by my Master anymore. Not through this. I was just so angry.  But this whole year I have begged and pleaded with God, to feel his nearness in this time of death, this time of broken hearts, this time of unanswered questions, this time of gut-wrenching honesty, this time of unfathomable anger.  In TN, one night in the back row of a worship service, I sobbed and sobbed till there were no tears left in my tear ducts. When I couldn't sing "You are good" anymore, I laid before an Almighty God full of compassion and cried out "why didn't you save this person from death?" "Why did I have to go to that funeral. It was too early." "Why did you take this person from me." "Were were you in this brokenness?" "Where is the healing in that situation that no one else understands?" "Where have you been this year." This wasn't the first time this year I had just laid and cried before the Lord, begging for the rescue.  And it wasn't the last. But something begin to shift. On the way back, I was just jammin out on the 11 hour trip home and just again begin praying through things, and for just a moment, felt a glimpse of the Holiness and Nearness of My God. And when my reaction to something so small means so much more and God is the only One who knows every reason why, I come across that verse.  I beg and pray and hope and plead that Jesus will continue to break down these walls that have been fortified and grown times a billion through the brokenness of this year. Here's to healing.

"From glass alabaster she poured out the depths of her soul
O foot of Christ would you wait if her harlotries known?
Falls a tear to darken the dirt
Of humblest offerings to forgive the hurt
She is strong enough to stand in your love
I can hear her say....
I am weak
I am poor
I am broken, Lord
But I'm yours
Hold me now, hold me now" - Jennifer Knapp, Hold Me Now

"And I don't know the reason why You brought me here
But just because You love me the way that You do
I'm gonna walk through the valley
If You want me to"-Ginny Owens, If You Want Me To

"I've fallen so hard..
But it's when you hold me
That I start unfolding
And all I can say is

Hallelujah, hallelujah" -Bethany Dillon, Hallelujah

Be Healed. Go forth and live, ya'll.
xoxo Lydia

you guys.

old friends, new friends, Dallas friends, TN friends, and Florida friends. Man, God is GOOD!

I am overwhelmed at the incredible people God lets me call friends. DISCLAIMER: I hate when people talk about this, bc it's really easy to come across as a sap, or a tool, but I am neither of these. The past year, friends have meant a great deal to me, and I have clung to them till I am white-knuckled.  But within this past month, in the calm after the awful year and healing of this summer, I got to step back and see just how many precious people God has allowed to walk faithfully for years in my life.

I was recently sharing with someone how I was struggling with watching a dream I wanted so badly go to someone else.
He said, "yea, but I can see blessings in your life you don't."
I sarcastically replied, "o yea, what's that."
And he said, "Lydia, you have 1500 people that love and adore you in TX, you have 1500 people that already love and adore you in TN."

now, 1500 may be a slight exaggeration, but his words not mine.

Laura Marie, best friend since 4th grade.

When I got home from TN, I was sitting in my kitchen chattin it up with my roommate and she said "Lydia, I can see you moving somewhere. And you'll do it and be totally fine. Because you have friends in every state. and good friends."  

And it hit me. I have some WINNERS as key players in my life! Like....I don't know how I managed to have such a stacked team, but looking at it, our numbers are pretty darn good! 
I cannot begin to express my gratefulness and my THANKFULNESS for ya'll! For some reason, I have INCREDIBLE friends not only at school,  but in random places like Ohio, Tennessee, Missouri, Texas, South Carolina, Alabama, Florida, Indiana, and Washington. The list goes on- how did this happen!? How did you guys think I was cool enough to stand by me, ya'll are so hilarious, so giving, so nurturing, so fun, so outgoing, so peaceful, so peace-loving, so high-energy, so talented, so passionate, so zealous, you have been so faithful.  A glimpse of heaven- ya'll have brought healing and joy to my life and from the depths of my soul, know I love ya'll so much!It is not even fair the amount of love I have in my life- I am just surrounded on all sides by the A-Team! Holla!! Like apparently I know how to pick em! Cause seriously, I could win the Olympics with these people. In any event. Yea, it doesn't make sense. Just go with it.

No better amazing women of character.

these.girls.KK, Steph-deeezay, and Tristan. o the stories.

Beckett, Katee, and Ashley.

Michelle and Breeeene.

I got to be with Chan when she accepted Jesus!

My precious friends in TN- these girls ROCK IT!

Kristy-Tristy. This girl is the NICEST person.

Linds.Spencer.Ash. E Springs Vaca.

Liz and Lynn-Holly. There are no words.

Jon, Caroline, Spencer.

Jon, Corbin, Caleb, Chloe. Winter Cabin Trip.

Lauren, Katee, Chelsea, Jennifer. College Friends.

Carlie Girl.

 LOVE YA'LL SO MUCH!!! GO FORTH AND LIVE!!!
XOXO Lyd.

my life in lyrics

so lately as i've been crusin around, rockin out, usin my awesome singin voice to charm the TN meadows (what...that's weird) a few lyrics have caught me off guard and in my head I have thought "hooooooolllld up, that.is.my.life." despite what it looks like, i have a great taste in music, this blog entry would in no way back that up.  Wide variety here, people


Talking talking talking talk
Baby lets just knock it off
They don't know what we been through
They don't know about me and you - Kanye West


I hate to say it bc I think T.Swift isn't the most wonderful (read: not even close) country singer, but her lyrics to her song mean just hit a homerun in my life
You, with your words like knives
And swords and weapons that you use against me
You have knocked me off my feet again
Got me feeling like a nothing
You, with your voice like nails on a chalkboard
Calling me out when I'm wounded
You picking on the weaker man
And all you're ever gonna be is mean, why ya gotta be so mean


And of course, the always classy
Where in the dickens did you get that swagger – Beatking



And you might have to crawl even after you walk.
Had sure things blow up in my face,
Seen the longshot win the race.
Been knocked down by the slammin' door.
Picked myself up and came back for more.


Life's a dance, you learn as you go.
Sometimes you lead, sometimes you follow.
Don't worry 'bout what you don't know,
life's a dance, you learn as you go. –John Michael Montgomery

  hollllaaaa friends, thanks for being HILARIOUS.

happy father's day/my dad has ruined my dating life

this is my dad. well, a picture of him.

He is the greatest man to ever live. Including Michael Jordan, Adam Scott, Sam Bradford, Tim Tebow, and yes, even my beloved George W. Bush.
There is one slight problem with having such a great mann be my dad....it has ruined my dating life. ruined, down the drain, crash and burn, explosive, shot to heck, donezo. here are some reasons why....
1. My dad has always made a big deal of spending time with me. Starting when I was 3, we went on Daddy dates, often to Bass Pro, and we still do this....every sunday.
2. My dad makes a HUGE deal about birthdays, accomplishments, goals, hopes, dreams, and just plain ol' regular days. 
3. My dad has about one hundred thousand bajillion nicknames for me. Often depending on the day some may include "My favorite 21 year old ever" "Regionals bound girl" and my personal favorite "number one goal scorer on Prestonwood ever" Now, I'm not very athletic, the best golfer ever, and I am sure that there are a million 21 year olds who are more awesome then me. but not in my dads eyes. The regular nicknames are "Darlin," "HoneyDarlin" "LydMeister" "Lyd" and "Honey Bunches of Oats"....yup, the cereal. He's called me that since I can remember.
4. He's never late. ever. If we meet for church, for lunch, to fix my car, you name it. He's at least 10-15 minutes early.
5. He never yells at me. Don't get me wrong, my sisters and I all got the dawg spanked out of us by both parents- and had our fair share of voices being raised at us, but my Dad never yells at me.
6. My whole life, if my dad ever felt like he did anything wrong, he would apologize. that in and of itself is enough. But I would always say, "It's ok, Daddy" and he would say, "No, it's not." He not only apologized but took full responsibility for anytime he hurt my feelings, even I was being an oversesitive little lady.
7. My dad has more integrity then the pope. This was especially annoying in my teenage years when I didn't necessarily always want to live to the highest standard my dad had for me. But my dad never falls short on his commitments. NEVER. Heading into my adult years (what!?....forreals) I have seen how hard he has had to work to live up to this level of integrity bc it is HARD to always take the high road, ya'll! But for all 21 years of my life, he has walked in integrity.
8. My dad is HILARIOUS. he can always make me laugh and is the funniest person i know.
9. He will listen to me for hours. (seriously) and listen to me talk in circles. (that is LOVE bc I can gab with the best of em)
10. My dad loves adventures. That's where i get it. That's why I think everything is a party.
So those reasons are why my dating life is ruined. Because no boy measures up. They fall miserably short, and I am not settling. And that is AWESOME. Because in all seriousness, I am so thankful for a dad who loves me. For a dad who loves Jesus more then he loves anything or anyone. Who held me to the highest and almost impossible standard, and always showed me how important of personal relationship with Jesus is! love ya, Dad-i-o!

Peace out!

this is real, ya'll

why hello.
blogging twice in a week? for this girl? unheard of.
But I would like to do my monthly "things I love" post. (disclaimer: this is a total and complete lie. I don't even write weekly, much less keep up with a re-occurring theme. too much, ya'll. too. much.)
Here are some news-worthy things in my life (really, is anything news-worthy in the life of a 21 year old? no. not even for this girl)
In no particular (read: numerical) order
1 I leave for the great state (but not the greatest) of TN in a week and a half. JOY TO THE WORLD!!
2 I love America. so, so SO much. here's a picture to prove it.

the hero herself, BOOMER. She likes America too, but not as much as me.
3 I'm wearing a really cool outfit today. I choose comfort over style 10/10 times so this is quite an accomplishment.
4 I really like awfully stormy weather.
5 it's pretty cool to me when I walk in a room and it smells like a few different shampoos. like youth camp circa 2005. or my apartment sometimes.
6 I like really hot, sunny weather too. this is tied with number 4- don't be confused, it's possible to love both equally as much.
7 I am lovin' civil wars music right now

8 and this book.
here's some great quotes in my recent readings from this work. (I just sounded so grown-up and smart and....BORING..yawn, yawn) "Trust says, in effect, 'Abba, just on the basis of what You have shown me in Your Son, Jesus, I believe You love me. You have forgiven me.  You will hold me and never let me go. Therefore, I trust You with my life.'"
"What Jesus did was sufficient. To the extent that we are self-made saints like the Pharisees....we let the prostitutes and publicans go first into the kingdom, while we in Flannery O'Connor's unforgettable image, are in the background having our alleged virtue burnt out of us.  The hookers and swindlers enter before us because they know they cannot make themselves presentable or lovable. They risked everything on Jesus and, knowing they didn't have it all together, were not too proud to accept the handout of amazing grace."
(My own two-cents "they know they cannot make themselves presentable or lovable" neither can you, neither can I. We are all in desperate need of Christ's redemption.)

9 I'm working through jealousy. of a dream I really wanted. and someone else got. My sweet mother says one day i'll look back and thank the Lord He let that opportunity slip by because He will have given me another one. This is probably true, but what if it's not? if it's not, it's still ok. Because my life isn't about me. It stopped being about me the day I accepted Christ. I forget this most days.


love the adventure today, ya'll.

fallen faithful

ya'll. What a year.  when I say year, I mean from like last may to this may, not january to may- that'd be not a year. I feel like a got steamrolled and I've made it through and I can breathe now. Many of you know this year and have walked through this year with me.  It has of course been filled with incredible laughter and rich times and adventure, but the underlying theme has just been this overwhelming brokenness.  Through the death and broken hearts and sickness and silly decisions and the unknown- for a year I have waded through these murky waters.  And in all honesty, there were times when it seemed I got really close to losing faith.  For a little Texas girl who was raised in a southern baptist mega church this was scary but so, SO FREEING.  In my brokenness and inadequacies guess what didn't help? keeping it together, looking perfect from the outside, never missing church, saying phrases like "God is still sovereign and faithful" with a big, fake smile on my face.  And He is still sovereign and faithful, but I could fall apart and be imperfect and rest in this fact by being real with a Savior that loves me.  And you know what I found at the end of a weary, dusty road? Not a big southern baptist church. Not my pretend perfection and big smile earning me brownie points in the kingdom of heaven. Not well-meaning people with good intentions telling me what to do. Not a list of rules I had to fulfill. You know what I found? Jesus. And the cross He died on covering all of my imperfection, all my falling apart, all of my striving, all of my realness and all of my humanity. 
What Matt Chandler is talking about in that video is right where I was a year ago, and where I had been my whole life. Falling apart was the best thing for me. Because I am being built back up into Christ, not in a church mentality that I'm sure no one ever intended to push onto anyone, but has really taken over the Southern culture. This idea that we have to smile and say God is good and never miss church any time the doors are open and never be honest and say "I don't get it. I don't get what God doing here and I am hurting. I am losing faith." So say it- be honest with God. Ya'll, He is big enough to handle it. It's hilarious and absurd we think He can't handle our questions, our hurt, our anger. Be real- stop bein so Southern (the only time you'll EVER hear me say that) and be the fallen faithful.

Check this out- "The tilted halo of the saved sinner is worn loosely and with easy grace. We have discovered that the cross accomplished far more than revealing the love of God. The blood of the Lamb points to the truth of grace: what we cannot do for ourselves, God has done for us.- Brennan Manning in The Ragamuffin Gospel  

Go forth and live. Be free, ya'll!
xoxo-- Lyd